I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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