Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
