i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
