Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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