Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
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I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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