I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
