Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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