Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
