My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize