there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
