How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
