I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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