Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
