Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
