Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
