ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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