I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think people are normalizing furries
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
