So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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