I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
