i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
