How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
