it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
