there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
