we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
