I didn't shave. On purpose
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
