love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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