I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
