i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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