Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We got so high we made milksteak
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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