I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
