shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
