highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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