I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
