Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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