Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
