yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
