New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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