just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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