we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
