no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
