So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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