just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
