WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
