my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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