I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
tell me about the fingering
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