i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I still have a little drunk in my system
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
