I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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