hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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