one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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