I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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