the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Mom said you looked used
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
