yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
a search helicopter?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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