We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
