So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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