whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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