I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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