How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
