Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
