im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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