We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
