im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
