Heybabeimwearingurpanties
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
