I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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