no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
