Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
