Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
