I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
