Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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