Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the liver wants what the liver wants
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
