eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
