I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
