I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
