Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
