Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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