I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
