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i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
