He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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