hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
