They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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