if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
